This right here would be the weapon of choice for when your back is really up against the wall. Yes, even the most terrifying would-be attacker will backdown in the face of a full-scale Ninja Attack! Launch your ninjas and watch your enemies scatter! Hi-YAH!

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Big Mama Undies

These are obviously hilarious, but one word of warning --- never EVER give them to someone whom they might actually FIT.

No Tear Toilet Paper

Uh, we can testify to the fact that this stuff really works. I don't know, do you think it was tacky to put it in the guest bathroom over the Christmas holidays when all the family came in from out of town to stay at our house? BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ninja Attack Launcher

Nose Pencil Sharpener

You know, I'm really not PICKY about what I use to sharpen my pencils. I mean, what's the POINT? Who are we kidding, pencils can be a real BUGGER to sharpen properly, and you really need to have a superior pencil sharpener to do the job right. This nose-shaped pencil sharpener will definitely do the trick, don't you think? I wonder if one nostril is for regular pencils and the other one for those chunky pencils like you use in elementary school.....????

Propeller Beanie

Thank goodness this thing comes with an elastic chin strap. It's clear that once you put this on your head, nothing will stop you from flying straight up into the air and hovering like a helicopter. Sorry, strangely-attractive mannequin head not included.

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